She is in my trunk
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
