I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
