I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
