so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
