I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
