I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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