dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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