kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't put those talents on a resume
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
