Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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