The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
