I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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