Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
