You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
