I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I pour the whiskey from now on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
