Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
