i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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