got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
