Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
