I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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