if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize