Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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