Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
