Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
