The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
