Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
