Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
