It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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