never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
