I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
