Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize