I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
worst night to have a conscience
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
