when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
