Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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