Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How external is "for external use only"?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
