I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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