Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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