i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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