I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
