Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
