Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's get the cat blown out
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
