You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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