Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Help. Why am I so naked?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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