I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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