the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
