So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
