somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
