whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
