I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
