Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
