It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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