k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize