woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
