I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this will be a night to untag.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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