Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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