You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
is it fun? or sober?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize