So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
