meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
