She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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