she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
