Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
