I heard we made out
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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