i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This house was built for laser tag.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
