I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
