WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize