This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
