Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
