Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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