I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
In America we eat man semen.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
