My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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