I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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