Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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